Black Covenant: Hysterics
by KingofthePhantomDragon
Summary: A buddy of mine gave me the idea for this and now I'm puttin it up. I hope it makes a few of you laugh cause, as a man that enjoys comedy, hearing people laugh makes me feel good.


Hey everyone,This is not the sequel but I just wanted to throw this in there. I dedicate this Bullshit story to my friend from school, Morgan. He gave me some of these ideas and I just couldn't help but put this up.

I own nothing in this story, nor anything that is in its contents.

Enjoy, and please don't hesitate to let me know if you laughed so hard that you pissed yourself!

**Cliffs on the south end of Berk**

Hiccup giggled as he set up the catapult that he would use for his latest stunt. It's been three days since his victory over the Red Death and it was that night that they would celebrate their victory. They'd even agreed to allow him to plan some events.

And boy did he have some plans.

_"You're out of your mind, Hiccup."_ The ascended Toothless droned as he sat a few yards away, his green eyes displayed boredom.. Hiccup's friends were beside him along with their dragons.

"You're pushing yourself a bit, Hiccup." Astrid warned her boyfriend. She had her new axe, Onyx, strapped to her back and she held his beloved blades, Obsidian and Ivory, over her shoulder.

_"I'd pay attention to your mate, my Liege."_ Astrid's Nadder, Nadia, advised.

"Ignore her! Freakin' go for it!" Snotlout shouted. He was punched in the face for his outburst.

"Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!" Ruffnut and Tuffnut cheered. It was probably the first thing they've agreed on in years.

"The "Do it"s have it. I'm going to the other side of the village." Hiccup declared as he plopped down on the giant spoon.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just teleport there?" Fishlegs asked.

"Easier: yes! More fun: Not yes!" Hiccup stated. "Fang!" He shouted. A chirp came from behind him and he turned to see a pure black Terrible Terror. "Cut that mother!" He ordered and pointed to the rope that held the catapult down.

Fang squealed and snapped his teeth on the rope, severing it.

KER-CHUNK

"!" Hiccup's nasally giggle echoed across the island as he sailed over the village. (A.N. Yes, it's that scene from Family Guy where Peter builds a midieval catapault, I have TiVo and I rewinded it so many times, I lost count)

"Since when the hell does he laugh like that?" Tuffnut asked. They all shrugged and mounted their dragons to go after him.

**Village center**

"Gobber, Do ye have that order that I asked for?" Stoick asked as neared the Blacksmith shop.

"Yep! Hiccup did a great job with thi... what's that sound?" He questioned and they both quieted down and listened.

"Eheheheheheheheheh-"

CRASH

There was a huge cloud of dust that appeared in the middle of the village. When it cleared, they all gawked the sight of Hiccup's lower body flailing out of the ground.

"I think I hit a rock!" Hiccups voice muffled through the dirt.

"There he is!" Astrid shouted from above them. The teens all dismounted their dragons and gathered around the kicking legs that seemed to be growing from the ground.

"Is someone here growing people?" Snotlout jested, laughing at his own joke. Nobody else thought it was funny and continued to stare at Hiccup's legs.

"Oh sure, you can stand there and spew out your crappy jokes but would it kill you to GET THE LEAD OUT AND HELP ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF AIR DOWN HERE!" Hiccup screamed and kicked with more intensity. They all began panicking and Stoick pulled him out easily. "Thanks, Pops." He gasped.

Stoick glared at his son, whom was held upside-down by his leg. "What were ye doin', Hiccup?" He asked.

"I don't remember. That rock was hard." He chuckled and began rubbing the top of his head with his dragonic hand.

"I'm leaving you in your friends hands. Don't make anymore trouble." He growled and tossed Hiccup to Astrid, who barely held herself upright when he landed in her arms.

Hiccup nodded, innocently until his dad and Gobber went into the Blacksmith shop. "Hey guys, How about we go to a really cool place? OOF!" Astrid dropped him.

"Do we have a choice?" Astrid grumbled. She knew what the answer was going to be.

"Nope! To the Pit of Death, My scaly subordinates!" He yelled before jumping on Toothless' saddle. All their dragons slipped their riders on their saddles and took off into the sky.

**Southern Berk**

**Pit of Death**

"Why do you call it the "Pit of Death"? Ruffnut asked as she gazed down into the chasm of green mist.

"Well, when me, dad, and Gobber found it, we originally were gonna go with "Big Smelly Crack" but that just made us all giggle." He explained and chuckled as everyone else giggled at the old name.

"Why'd you bring us here? What's so cool about it?" Astrid asked.

"Put your head down in the hole and you'll find out." Hiccup said and pointed at the giant crack.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Fishlegs asked, warily looking at the gas. Hiccup sniggered at them.

"I can guarantee that it's perfectly safe... as long as you don't breathe in the gas for too long." He muttered the last part but they still heard him.

"What!" They all shouted.

"Oh, just watch." Hiccup stomped over to the edge and got on his knees. He glanced at them to make sure that they were looking before dunking his head in the mist.

After a few tense seconds, Hiccup pulled himself out and casually stared at them.

"Well?" Snotlout questioned. Hiccup suddenly smiled and began laughing in a squeaky high-pitched voice.

"Do you know why I'm the chief?" He mocked Stoick and began cracking up afterwards.

They all gawked at him like he was crazy then they looked at the gas, eachother... then they all dove for the pit.

**Ten minutes later**

_Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to work we go! (Whistles catchy beat)_

_Hi ho! Hi ho!Hi ho!Hi ho! Hi ho! It's home from work we go! (Whistles catchy beat)_

Ruffnut and Tuffnut sang in their squeaky voices, causing everyone else to laugh hysterically. They were all laying down using their dragons as pillows, except for Astrid who was using Huccup's shoulder with his arm wrapped around her waist. Snotlout's Monstrous Nightmare, Flare, was chuckling at his rider's half-dead expression on his face.

"I once got into my dad's mead and I woke up the next morning ass-naked on the other side of the island." Hiccup squeaked and they laughed harder.

"I think I saw you running through the woods, back to your house that day, I don't think it was that cold that morning!" Astrid squealed, making them all, including their dragons, crack up.

"Sometimes, I wet my bed." Ruffnut squeaked.

"That's alright, sometimes I wet your bed!" Tuffnut shouted before roaring in laughter.

The dragons apparently thought that their riders/king had had enough and began dragging them out of the cave

"I love my Astrid!" Hiccup squeaked and hugged Astrid closer to his body.

"I love my Hiccup and the axe that he made for me." She squealed and rubbed her face on his chest while stroking the axe handle.

**Ten ****more**** minutes later in the skies above Berk**

"Do you really wet my bed?" Ruffnut asked her brother from her Zippleback head, Crunch.

"That was gas-talk, Sis." Tuffnut shrugged and waived her question like it was a fly, His dragon head, Crash, rolled his eyes.

"What's next on the agenda for today?" Hiccup shouted over the wind. Toothless looked at him incredulously.

_"Are you seriously going to participate in more retarded stunts!"_ He asked.

"You got it, Buddy. Sadly, not anything as serious as launching myself out of a catapault, despite how freakin' awesome it was." Hiccup said as he rubbed his head and winced.

**That night**

"Tonight we celebrate my son's victory over the Red Death, the end of the war, and our new allies." Stoick shouted and was answered by a roar of cheers. "And as we've all agreed, Hiccup has been given the privelege of planning the events of tonight's festivities." He announced and stood aside to give the stage to his son.

"Thank you, everyone! Thank you! I can't describe how happy it makes me to be standing here as one of you. But I can think of one thing to say to all of you who said that I'd never be up here as a true Viking... Fuck you all! Suck my ten-thousand-pieces-of-gold-Cock! In your face! In your face!" He gloated.

The audience "booed" and "jeered" him, the females cheered at his choice of words.

"But seriously! Tonight is going to be about laughter and by that I mean COMEDY!" He screamed and they all cheered in anticipation.

"The game for tonight is called "Scenes from A Helmet" This is for my dad, myself, My dear Astrid, and the Thorston twins. What happens is this: i've passed out pieces of paper and had all of you write down certain performances that you'd like for us to act out. We took the good ones and put them in a helmet and fed the bad ones to Fishlegs' Gronkle, Wart. My dad will judge us along with all of you. Starting with...?" He and Astrid stood beside eachother with the twins standing on the opposite end of the stage. Stoick sat down in front of a table, digging out a piece of paper from the helmet in front of him.

He pulled out a paper and chuckled before reading it aloud. "What the Night Fury is really thinking when he takes Hiccup flying."

Ruffnut walked up to the center of the stage and faced the audience. "By Thor, this guy weighs a ton!" She said like she was actually annoyed. They all laughed and she returned to her place.

Tuffnut took his place and faced the audience. "There's a fish! There's a fish! There's a fish! There's a fish!" He looked down, droning monotonously like he was counting sheep.

Hiccup chose to end it by taking the center stage. "What the hell am I doing here? I could be flirting with Nadia right now." He said. A rock flew over the laughing crowd and clocked him on the forehead. Toothless hung from a tree branch by his tail and wrapped himself in his wings due to his embarassment.

Astrid pulled him up and sent him back to his spot before facing the crowd. "Where can I drop him and nobody'll find the body?" She said and laughed before going back to her spot. She checked Hiccup's forehead but he'd already healed it.

"Hahaha alright! Let's see here!" Stoick pulled out another paper. "What Hiccup will say when he becomes chief."

Hiccup stood in front of the crowd. "I won, Get over it!" He said before taking his spot back. Everyone cracked up at that.

Stoick wiped a tear away before pulling out another piece of paper. "Strange things to hear from a seashell."

Ruffnut stood at center stage and put her hand at her ear. "PUT ME DOWN!" She screamed and jerked her hand away.

Hiccup took her place and put his hand at his ear. "Who's your daddy?" He looked at his hand in confusion then returned to his place.

"Heheheh! Things you can say about your boat, but not about your girlfriend." Stoick read.

Tuffnut stood at center stage. "You can fit dozens of men down below." He said before going back.

Hiccup moved to the center of the stage and faced the audience. "She's takin' on water!" He yelled and looked at Astrid apologetically.

She half-scowled, half-smiled at him.(That look Drew Carey gets on his face when Ryan Stiles makes fun of him.)

"Tha's gonna get ye a one-way trip to the doghouse, son. Watch it." Stoick advised before taking out another piece of paper. He grumbled a "What the he..?" before sighing and shrugging, "What the chief really does when he's at home all by himself." He put the paper down and looked at the teens expectantly. He couldn't help but notice that the handwriting looked similar to Gobber's.

Hiccup seemed like the only one who would be brave enough to make fun of the chief. He tossed an imaginary rock onto the floor and jumped on his left foot towards it, then both before bending down to pick it up. He turned around and jumped on both feet. "Oh darn it!" He exclaimed before crossing his arms and pouting. The audience began cracking up at the joke but stifled themselves when Stoick didn't laugh along. Hiccup looked at his dad with the same apologetic look that he gave Astrid.

Astrid walked up and faced the crowd and just stood there...

...

...

...

Hiccup put his hands together and fluttered his fingers like a bird before placing his hands on her shoulder. She turned her head slightly and Hiccup fluttered his hands away. The audience laughed as did Astrid before going back to stand next to her boyfriend.

"Ye're all gonna pay." Stoick vowed and reached for another paper. "What Hiccup is thinking right now."

Hiccup took his place on the stage "I finally have everyone's respect! What the hell am I doing!" He chuckled and retook his place beside Astrid.

Tuffnut stood at center stage. "Gods, I love this game!" He exclaimed. The audience cheered and Hiccup threw his hands up with the peace sign.

"Very good! Next... "Weird-sounding battle cries." This should be good" Stoick muttered the last part to himself.

Hiccup dramatically stood at center stage and pointed at the audience. "We'll hurt you." He said and snickered before going back.

Astrid went up and looked at the crowd. "Give me Liberty... or a nice warm muffin." She declared.

Stoick took out another piece of paper. "Phrases to say that will get you punched in the eye." He announced and the audience made some 'ooh' and 'aah' sounds.

Hiccup went first. He motioned for Ruffnut to go to him and she did so. "You don't sweat much for a fat girl." He said. She gasped and fake punched him. Going along with the act, Hiccup dropped to the ground and held his eye with a pained expression on his face. They laughed and went back to their places.

Hiccup and Tuffnut took center stage. "I want you to punch me hard in the eye." Tuffnut said loudly. Hiccup pretended to sock him in the crotch and Tuff faked pain. They laughed and went back.

Ruffnut told Astrid to come over to her and she did. "I have dreams of me and your boyfriend gettin' it on." Astrid reached down under the stage and pulled out a hammer. She laughed and turned back to go back to Hiccup.

Ruffnut stayed, however.

"I'm serious, I really do." She chuckled. The audience gasped and turned their attention to the axe-using blonde.

Astrid smiled calmly...before lifting up the hammer and charging towards the female twin with a scream of rage. Their chase lead them out of sight in the woods where Ruff's screams faded away.

Hiccup faced the audience with a flushed face. "Thank you all for coming. Have a good night!" He shouted before sprinting into the woods to stop his girlfriend from commiting murder.

Well, People, this is my first attempt at a crackfic. I hope you all enjoyed it and I promise that the actual sequel will be up as soon as I can get it. Also know that the content at the end was from "Whose Line is it Anyway", I hope you enjoyed it.

Please review!


End file.
